That was Unexpected!

So...um...yeah...I have been sick since last Wednesday, including having to take a day off of work...no cardio other than taking the stairs and coughing...even my GeekStyle toning regime was difficult...YET...



I lost 4.5 pounds this week. Why I am not so excited? Welll... I think .5 was muscle.



One of the hazzards of being on Optifast is losing muscle, so I am going to pump it up at the gym this week and try to regain some of it back. I am always a little leery when I lose more than three pounds in a week on any diet, since it is nigh impossible to lose 4.5 pounds of fat while doing nothing but watching Lord of the Rings and drinking vanilla tea.



Here are some cool facts though, at 186, I am a mere 6.5 pounds away from being offically "overweight" as opposed to "obese." Sweet! Those BMI charts at the doctor's office are super depressing, right? (Especially since I was creeping towards the "morbidly obese" category!) So now they are less depressing at least!



Other news: My pant size has dropped...wait for it...FOUR sizes since MARCH. I made my poor husband, who was also really sick this holiday weekend, drag me to the local store to buy a pair of pants for work! My other pants are simply dropping off!


Temptations this week were few, since I had to force myself to eat due to feeling so bad. However, this week was less about what I was eating and more about how I am feeling about myself. For example, I have noticed an increase of surface area on my skin with a, shall we say, cottage cheese like texture. And, I have to remember that, although I weigh the same as I did when I was 25, I am 39, so I cannot expect to have the same body. I think that many diets give people the false sense that they will magically return to their younger, youthful self. Although my insides are definitely younger (lower blood pressure, cholesterol, stronger heart), my exterior remains its normal age. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am okay with that.


I've been on two other official "diets": Jenny Craig and Atkins. I loved Atkins and got down to 175 on it; however I did not have the support and training that I am getting with my current diet program (frankly--not to "dis" JC--I did not really get that either at my local Jenny Craig Centre). Nor did I go deep and really think about the causes of why I gain weight and why I eat the way I do. I think that is why I gained the weight back and then some. For me, this journey is a diet not just from food, but from self destructive behavior. One of the topics I have been contemplating is self-criticism.

(Check out this interesting quiz from the National Organization for Women)

Even at my heaviest and unhealthiest, I never sat around with my girlfriends and criticized specific parts of my body. However, I did call myself "fat," because it was truthful to me. But it was also self punishing. I also have never thought of my body as "normal." In reality, there is nothing "abnormal" about my body, it just needs some TLC. I routinely hear young girls and women bad mouthing themselves in public. They talk about themselves in ways you would rarely hear someone talk about another person. I don't think it is a sign of modesty when a 120 pound woman escoriates her thighs at the local Starbucks; it's a sign of seething self hatred. I think if we liked our bodies more, we would treat them better. I think one of the reasons that many people overeat is because we are so unhappy with ourselves, yet it seems like society has trained us to hate the only gift we are given in this life: our body. Would we really feed our body something that could kill it if we loved it? Would we really force it into sickness and feebleness if we adored how special we are? I think not. We would care for our bodies the way we care for our children or our special momentos, with purpose and love.

Outer Goal: 160 (26 pounds to go!)
Inner Goal: To love myself fully and treat myself with respect...oh and World Peace!

Please send me an email or write a comment! I'd love to hear about your journey and what is going on with you!