Reflections on A Year of Weight Loss

Next Wednesday marks my one year anniversary with the Kaiser Medical Weight Loss Program. To say that I am reflecting on "all I've gained and lost" is an understatement. I am still hovering around 147, and, truthfully, I am disappointed with not reaching my goal weight. I know it is wrong to compare myself to others, but it is difficult seeing people on television doing what I cannot seem to do.

Lately, I have also been struggling with getting exercise and with eating too much. It's as if part of me is just unwilling to let these last few pounds go, what goes with it if they are gone? I am grappling with figuring out a new identity as a "thin" person (though I am not very thin, truth be told--just average). My entire life from the age of ten has been dictated by my weight. My weight has never been good enough. I have striven to excel to overcome the disadvantages my excess weight caused (believe me--it sucks to be fat in our society!).

On the flip side of these worried musings are the achievements I have made. Now exercise is fun for me; I want to do it. This morning, I threw on a pair of size 8 jeans without having to suck in my belly. I made a delicious egg white and veggie omelet with cheese and toast for breakfast; knowing that it was a breakfast that would fuel my body and brain. Most importantly--okay don't laugh--I BENT OVER AND PICKED SOMETHING OFF THE FLOOR WITHOUT PAIN OR SHORTNESS OF BREATH!

However, my most important achievement, in my mind, is the impact I have made on others. There is no denying it, as much as I would like to, that my weight loss has been a motivating for other people. My husband directly credits me for his 80 pound weight loss, my mom and mother-in-law have both said that my support has helped them. My friends, strangers, and acquaintances have all asked me "what did you do?" When I tell them, I tell them they can do it too. I helped train people for a marathon, for Pete's sake! The truth of the matter is that these people have all made their own changes and are responsible for their own success, my achievement is that I supported them in their goals. Of that, I am very, very proud.

As a new weight loss year begins, it is entirely possible that it will take a year for me to lose this next seven pounds. One of things I have gained this past year is the knowledge that good health and well being is a life long pursuit. If it takes me a year, fine, because it will take the rest of my life to keep it off.

I am looking forward to the challenge.

Okay...the numbers:

Starting Weight December 2008: 236
Starting Weight MWL March 2010: 224
Current Weight: 147
Goal Weight 140

Outward Goal: To wear a bikini this summer
Inner Goal: To find the strength to be a strength to others....and of course, WORLD PEACE!

Hugs to you all! See you soon!