Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
It's Teacher Appreciation Week!
I can't believe another school year has zipped by! It's been a difficult year for teachers here in the Golden State and through out the United States. Like many teachers, my colleagues and I soothed ourselves by feeding each other. I think the ten pounds I gained over the course of the last six months is proof of that. However Teacher Appreciation Week is the gold standard of indulgence for teachers!
All over the State, Parent-Teacher Associations and Parent Teacher Organizations feed the teachers with delicious and, let's face it, fattening food. Bagels, donuts, sandwiches, chips, cookies, muffins. It's a beautiful and highly appreciated gift our parents give to those of us who care for their children. However, those of us who are watching our waistlines need to be careful navigating events like theses.
In my weight loss support group, I notice that my profession is not the only one that seems to invite temptation in the staff room. 400 calorie bagels (without cream cheese!) seem to be standard in most corporate lunch rooms. It's a strange day when the donuts are the least caloric thing on offer nowadays (average donut 200 calories, average bagel 350).
Here's what I do (when I am watching my calories--sometimes I just go for it to be honest):
1. DO NOT EAT THE BAGELS. Most bagels on offer lately are ENORMOUS, made with highly processed flour (which basically converts to sugar in your bloodstream) and beg to be smeared with cream cheese or butter.
2. Do eat anything with protein. Sometimes, people bring in cheese or yogurt to these breakfast/lunch things. Protein is filling and will help your body manage any sugar spikes.
3. Fruit is always a good option. Lately, more fruit has been on offer at our staff snack sessions; if this is the case with your work, go for it!
4. Homemade goods are a good option. For example, a homemade chocolate chip cookie hovers around 50-75 calories. A fancy store bought cookie can run around 100 calories. Also, the portions are usually smaller.
5. Sandwiches: You've been to meetings and conferences and been tortured by the ubiquitous sandwich platter. I usually just nix the bread and eat the inside or tear off the top of the roll and eat it as a half sandwich. Sorry, I don't eat chips--even baked ones.
6. Birthday cake: I love cake--seriously love cake. So, I just eat the cake and leave the frosting on my plate. The average birthday cake with frosting is 100 calories an ounce. Without the frosting, it's half that. Also, there is a lot less sugar in just the cake, so it makes me less hungry (when my blood sugar spikes, I get ravenous!).
7. Conference Food: If you are forced to eat banquet food, here are the pitfalls: the dessert is sometimes placed on the table before you sit down. These desserts are rarely worth the calories. Ask the nearest server to take it away or just walk it to the back of the banquet hall and put it in the garbage. Banquet food is loaded with cheap starches like rice and noodles. Avoid these like the plague, they are soaked in fat! It's better for you to just eat the meat and veg. I always ask what the vegetarian option is, sometimes it's a better option than the regular menu--however usually it is some sort of starch drowning in sauce, like fettuccine Alfredo. Also, ask for more salad, most servers will hook you up with another one if you ask nicely. Finally, scrape off the sauce and dip your meat into it. It tastes just as good, and you probably save yourself 100 calories by not eating all of the sauce.
Here is what I have learned since December: I can never go back to eating the way I used to eat, but I don't have to be on a diet all the time. These strategies are good for anyone who wants to eat healthfully most of the time. I am moving into a mentality that it is okay for me to splurge once in a while, but to not view every special occasion as an opportunity to splurge.
The numbers:
Starting weight 235
Current weight 155
Goal weight: mmm....working on that!
Inner goal: peace.
Outer goal: Run the Nike 1/2 Marathon!
See you soon!
All over the State, Parent-Teacher Associations and Parent Teacher Organizations feed the teachers with delicious and, let's face it, fattening food. Bagels, donuts, sandwiches, chips, cookies, muffins. It's a beautiful and highly appreciated gift our parents give to those of us who care for their children. However, those of us who are watching our waistlines need to be careful navigating events like theses.
In my weight loss support group, I notice that my profession is not the only one that seems to invite temptation in the staff room. 400 calorie bagels (without cream cheese!) seem to be standard in most corporate lunch rooms. It's a strange day when the donuts are the least caloric thing on offer nowadays (average donut 200 calories, average bagel 350).
Here's what I do (when I am watching my calories--sometimes I just go for it to be honest):
1. DO NOT EAT THE BAGELS. Most bagels on offer lately are ENORMOUS, made with highly processed flour (which basically converts to sugar in your bloodstream) and beg to be smeared with cream cheese or butter.
2. Do eat anything with protein. Sometimes, people bring in cheese or yogurt to these breakfast/lunch things. Protein is filling and will help your body manage any sugar spikes.
3. Fruit is always a good option. Lately, more fruit has been on offer at our staff snack sessions; if this is the case with your work, go for it!
4. Homemade goods are a good option. For example, a homemade chocolate chip cookie hovers around 50-75 calories. A fancy store bought cookie can run around 100 calories. Also, the portions are usually smaller.
5. Sandwiches: You've been to meetings and conferences and been tortured by the ubiquitous sandwich platter. I usually just nix the bread and eat the inside or tear off the top of the roll and eat it as a half sandwich. Sorry, I don't eat chips--even baked ones.
6. Birthday cake: I love cake--seriously love cake. So, I just eat the cake and leave the frosting on my plate. The average birthday cake with frosting is 100 calories an ounce. Without the frosting, it's half that. Also, there is a lot less sugar in just the cake, so it makes me less hungry (when my blood sugar spikes, I get ravenous!).
7. Conference Food: If you are forced to eat banquet food, here are the pitfalls: the dessert is sometimes placed on the table before you sit down. These desserts are rarely worth the calories. Ask the nearest server to take it away or just walk it to the back of the banquet hall and put it in the garbage. Banquet food is loaded with cheap starches like rice and noodles. Avoid these like the plague, they are soaked in fat! It's better for you to just eat the meat and veg. I always ask what the vegetarian option is, sometimes it's a better option than the regular menu--however usually it is some sort of starch drowning in sauce, like fettuccine Alfredo. Also, ask for more salad, most servers will hook you up with another one if you ask nicely. Finally, scrape off the sauce and dip your meat into it. It tastes just as good, and you probably save yourself 100 calories by not eating all of the sauce.
Here is what I have learned since December: I can never go back to eating the way I used to eat, but I don't have to be on a diet all the time. These strategies are good for anyone who wants to eat healthfully most of the time. I am moving into a mentality that it is okay for me to splurge once in a while, but to not view every special occasion as an opportunity to splurge.
The numbers:
Starting weight 235
Current weight 155
Goal weight: mmm....working on that!
Inner goal: peace.
Outer goal: Run the Nike 1/2 Marathon!
See you soon!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
What's in Goal? A Midnight Torture By Any Other Name...
So on March 30th I woke up at 4 A.M....again. It was the fourth time that week. I clutched my stomach, because I had woken up thinking I had gained back all the weight I lost. Tossing and turning, I felt so sad and angry with myself. Here I was, over a year after my weight loss journey had started, and I was STILL ten pounds from my goal weight. I spent February taking my diet down to the minimal amount of calories. I weighed myself three times a day. I did everything I could think of. Injury had side-lined me from serious exercise, and I just felt lost. Then the binging started. Once or twice a week in March I would binge (in fact I wrote about it here). I was up to 151. I was overweight, again. I felt like the worst failure in the world. I just wanted to melt into my bed and disappear. I felt like when people looked at me, they saw what I phony I was...how hopelessly out of control and stupid. I clutched my stomach and faced the abyss: what am I? Am I just a worthless lump if I do not make my goal? My heart screamed yes, yes, yes! However, my mind said: NO! I needed help. I needed to reach out. I needed to get a handle on what had ceased being a diet and had become a way to punish myself for something that I always thought was secretly true: that I am just not worth anything.
The upcoming weekend was Wondercon (it's a comic book convention in San Francisco), so I knew there were two ways I go approach the con. I could agonize over every bite or I could use it as an opportunity to relax and learn to eat like a woman on vacation. That's what I did. I ate. I didn't overeat, I didn't under eat. I ate chocolate, drank alcohol, and ate things without asking for nutritional information first. Yes, I gained almost ten pounds over three days! However, I lost it all the following week by eating sensibly and getting some minimal exercise.
The break I got a Wondercon did a lot for me. I felt free to reach out and talk things out. I started to talk to friends about how depressed I was about my lack of progress and my self destructive behavior. I started opening up first to my Saturday walking buddy, then my other walking buddies, my TOPS friends, and my husband. All of them, even my mom (who worries endlessly about my weight loss--sorry mom, but it's true!) encouraged me to rethink my goal. I had let this number control my mood and actions for far too long! They all saw something I didn't.
Finally, the Weight Recorder at my TOPS chapter said to me: "Look at your numbers! Your body wants to be around 150-155. You've been through so much this year, let your body rest. These last ten pounds can wait." I started to cry...giving up my goal would be letting everyone down. I just thought that I needed to get there so that others would not think I was a loser!
Now, I realize that I cannot do all the things I need to do: train for a marathon, return to graduate school, raise a child, and rehab my leg...while obsessing on this goal!
So, I told my husband this morning: I am revising my goal to 150. Maybe I will change it in the future, but for now 150 is good. This resolution is not what I had in mind, but perhaps my doctor knew something I didn't when she first suggested 150 as a goal for me. The bottom line is I need the psychological rest. So, I am taking it!
This morning I weighed in at 155.8, so I know that, if I don't get a handle on my emotions around my body and my spirit, that I will regain all the weight that I lost. As my husband said this morning, a physical goal is better than an arbitrary number. My new goal is to run/walk a 1/2 marathon in October. Tomorrow, I start training.
Wish me luck!
The numbers:
Starting Weight 235
Current Weight: 156
There is only one goal: self love--whatever that means to me right now.
The upcoming weekend was Wondercon (it's a comic book convention in San Francisco), so I knew there were two ways I go approach the con. I could agonize over every bite or I could use it as an opportunity to relax and learn to eat like a woman on vacation. That's what I did. I ate. I didn't overeat, I didn't under eat. I ate chocolate, drank alcohol, and ate things without asking for nutritional information first. Yes, I gained almost ten pounds over three days! However, I lost it all the following week by eating sensibly and getting some minimal exercise.
The break I got a Wondercon did a lot for me. I felt free to reach out and talk things out. I started to talk to friends about how depressed I was about my lack of progress and my self destructive behavior. I started opening up first to my Saturday walking buddy, then my other walking buddies, my TOPS friends, and my husband. All of them, even my mom (who worries endlessly about my weight loss--sorry mom, but it's true!) encouraged me to rethink my goal. I had let this number control my mood and actions for far too long! They all saw something I didn't.
Finally, the Weight Recorder at my TOPS chapter said to me: "Look at your numbers! Your body wants to be around 150-155. You've been through so much this year, let your body rest. These last ten pounds can wait." I started to cry...giving up my goal would be letting everyone down. I just thought that I needed to get there so that others would not think I was a loser!
Now, I realize that I cannot do all the things I need to do: train for a marathon, return to graduate school, raise a child, and rehab my leg...while obsessing on this goal!
So, I told my husband this morning: I am revising my goal to 150. Maybe I will change it in the future, but for now 150 is good. This resolution is not what I had in mind, but perhaps my doctor knew something I didn't when she first suggested 150 as a goal for me. The bottom line is I need the psychological rest. So, I am taking it!
This morning I weighed in at 155.8, so I know that, if I don't get a handle on my emotions around my body and my spirit, that I will regain all the weight that I lost. As my husband said this morning, a physical goal is better than an arbitrary number. My new goal is to run/walk a 1/2 marathon in October. Tomorrow, I start training.
Wish me luck!
The numbers:
Starting Weight 235
Current Weight: 156
There is only one goal: self love--whatever that means to me right now.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Reflections on the Recession and Weight Loss
Burgh, bleh, meh, sheesh...
These are the words escaping my mouth as I have once again lost the three pounds I have gained from my last "day off."
This morning, as I was walking to my classroom, I really had to dig down deep. What is causing me to stay rooted firmly in the 147-150 range. It's not so much the weight anymore, as I am "normal" (whatever that means) now. What's concerning me is lapsing back into bad, bad habits. The stress eating, the mindless eating, the lack of exercsise. All the stuff that got me overweight and to this blog in the first place!
I am stressed out. We are going through a lot in my school district right now, and I am facing some difficult personal choices because of it. I am working more for less, and it is taking its toll. I think, subconsciously, I am soothing myself with food. Maybe you are in the same boat--facing layoffs or friends getting laid off. Maybe you are facing another pay cut and have realized that the cheapest food you can buy is also fattening (which is depressing). I know it sounds strange, but the tough times we are facing can affect your waistline.
For example, I no longer buy things at full price at the grocery store. My shopping list is entirely dictated by what's on sale. Well, guess what? My favorite fruits and veggies are not on sale a whole lot! I have sucked it up and tried new stuff, but it means that I eat more calories of other things when I don't like them. Also, have you noticed that the sale items for carbohydrate heavy foods such as pasta, bread, and rice are always the stuff with the most sugar and salt added? Sigh. Why is it the most fattening meat is always the cheapest? Double and triple sigh. It sucks that I only get to eat 2 oz of pork shoulder but 3 oz of tenderloin.
So, this is what I have done. I make a "sacred" list of staples. Sale or not, I know I need that food. If it is not on sale, stuff not on that list does not get bought. For example, if the cottage cheese and yogurt is not on sale, I do not buy Skinny Cow ice cream treats. EVEN IF THE SKINNY COWS ARE ON SALE. That kind of thing. Also, I now look in the frozen section for my non-seasonal fruits and veggies (great for you berry lovers!).
Also, have "go to" foods does help when I have to serve my family something inexpensive but WAY off my food plan. I can make an omelet or a tofu dish and know that I am okay. For example, I made pulled pork last night. Um...I could eat five pounds of that! So, I had my portion, but then ate some Greek yogurt with blueberries for dessert. The protein from the Greek yogurt made up for the small portion of pork, and it filled me up. Yay! Yes, I would have liked to eat the rest of the leftovers (I'll be honest, I did munch on two ounces before I put them away), but it does help to have something I can eat in lieu of something I can't really eat. All in all, I stayed well within my calorie count for the day.
I think the hardest part about dieting during the recession is all the stress. You are anxious and worried, yet there is no going shopping or getting your nails done or whatever to have fun. You have to find fun at home. You may also have to find an inexpensive way to exercise, as a gym membership is out of reach for many. I am lucky, I have a free gym at my apartment building. I also walk my local lake every Saturday and walk with friends on Sundays. However, there are many things you can do inside, if the weather is bad, for free.
To wit. Did you you know that you can rent exercise videos from the library for free? Yep! Did you know if you do a plank (which is the position you start a push up in) for three minutes you burn an AMAZING amount of calories? Did you know if you sit up straight in a chair and do bicep curls and pull downs with two bottles of water you are burning calories? You can Google tons of exercises online that you can do while watching television!
What about support? I have joined a non-profit weight loss support group (TOPS), but you can do a meet up, join SparkPeople, whatever. There are so many free/inexpensive weight loss support groups out there. You don't need to pay a lot of money to lose weight.
At any rate, I am weathering the recession storm as best that I can. I think my waistline is too. If you have any great suggestions, please email me, and I will pass them on!
Hang tough everyone!
The numbers:
Starting Weight: 235
Current Weight: 149
Goal Weight:140
The Goals:
Outer Goal: Be at my goal weight for State Recognition Days for TOPS!
Inner Goal: To be the woman everyone else thinks I am!
See you soon!
These are the words escaping my mouth as I have once again lost the three pounds I have gained from my last "day off."
This morning, as I was walking to my classroom, I really had to dig down deep. What is causing me to stay rooted firmly in the 147-150 range. It's not so much the weight anymore, as I am "normal" (whatever that means) now. What's concerning me is lapsing back into bad, bad habits. The stress eating, the mindless eating, the lack of exercsise. All the stuff that got me overweight and to this blog in the first place!
I am stressed out. We are going through a lot in my school district right now, and I am facing some difficult personal choices because of it. I am working more for less, and it is taking its toll. I think, subconsciously, I am soothing myself with food. Maybe you are in the same boat--facing layoffs or friends getting laid off. Maybe you are facing another pay cut and have realized that the cheapest food you can buy is also fattening (which is depressing). I know it sounds strange, but the tough times we are facing can affect your waistline.
For example, I no longer buy things at full price at the grocery store. My shopping list is entirely dictated by what's on sale. Well, guess what? My favorite fruits and veggies are not on sale a whole lot! I have sucked it up and tried new stuff, but it means that I eat more calories of other things when I don't like them. Also, have you noticed that the sale items for carbohydrate heavy foods such as pasta, bread, and rice are always the stuff with the most sugar and salt added? Sigh. Why is it the most fattening meat is always the cheapest? Double and triple sigh. It sucks that I only get to eat 2 oz of pork shoulder but 3 oz of tenderloin.
So, this is what I have done. I make a "sacred" list of staples. Sale or not, I know I need that food. If it is not on sale, stuff not on that list does not get bought. For example, if the cottage cheese and yogurt is not on sale, I do not buy Skinny Cow ice cream treats. EVEN IF THE SKINNY COWS ARE ON SALE. That kind of thing. Also, I now look in the frozen section for my non-seasonal fruits and veggies (great for you berry lovers!).
Also, have "go to" foods does help when I have to serve my family something inexpensive but WAY off my food plan. I can make an omelet or a tofu dish and know that I am okay. For example, I made pulled pork last night. Um...I could eat five pounds of that! So, I had my portion, but then ate some Greek yogurt with blueberries for dessert. The protein from the Greek yogurt made up for the small portion of pork, and it filled me up. Yay! Yes, I would have liked to eat the rest of the leftovers (I'll be honest, I did munch on two ounces before I put them away), but it does help to have something I can eat in lieu of something I can't really eat. All in all, I stayed well within my calorie count for the day.
I think the hardest part about dieting during the recession is all the stress. You are anxious and worried, yet there is no going shopping or getting your nails done or whatever to have fun. You have to find fun at home. You may also have to find an inexpensive way to exercise, as a gym membership is out of reach for many. I am lucky, I have a free gym at my apartment building. I also walk my local lake every Saturday and walk with friends on Sundays. However, there are many things you can do inside, if the weather is bad, for free.
To wit. Did you you know that you can rent exercise videos from the library for free? Yep! Did you know if you do a plank (which is the position you start a push up in) for three minutes you burn an AMAZING amount of calories? Did you know if you sit up straight in a chair and do bicep curls and pull downs with two bottles of water you are burning calories? You can Google tons of exercises online that you can do while watching television!
What about support? I have joined a non-profit weight loss support group (TOPS), but you can do a meet up, join SparkPeople, whatever. There are so many free/inexpensive weight loss support groups out there. You don't need to pay a lot of money to lose weight.
At any rate, I am weathering the recession storm as best that I can. I think my waistline is too. If you have any great suggestions, please email me, and I will pass them on!
Hang tough everyone!
The numbers:
Starting Weight: 235
Current Weight: 149
Goal Weight:140
The Goals:
Outer Goal: Be at my goal weight for State Recognition Days for TOPS!
Inner Goal: To be the woman everyone else thinks I am!
See you soon!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Reflections on A Year of Weight Loss
Next Wednesday marks my one year anniversary with the Kaiser Medical Weight Loss Program. To say that I am reflecting on "all I've gained and lost" is an understatement. I am still hovering around 147, and, truthfully, I am disappointed with not reaching my goal weight. I know it is wrong to compare myself to others, but it is difficult seeing people on television doing what I cannot seem to do.
Lately, I have also been struggling with getting exercise and with eating too much. It's as if part of me is just unwilling to let these last few pounds go, what goes with it if they are gone? I am grappling with figuring out a new identity as a "thin" person (though I am not very thin, truth be told--just average). My entire life from the age of ten has been dictated by my weight. My weight has never been good enough. I have striven to excel to overcome the disadvantages my excess weight caused (believe me--it sucks to be fat in our society!).
On the flip side of these worried musings are the achievements I have made. Now exercise is fun for me; I want to do it. This morning, I threw on a pair of size 8 jeans without having to suck in my belly. I made a delicious egg white and veggie omelet with cheese and toast for breakfast; knowing that it was a breakfast that would fuel my body and brain. Most importantly--okay don't laugh--I BENT OVER AND PICKED SOMETHING OFF THE FLOOR WITHOUT PAIN OR SHORTNESS OF BREATH!
However, my most important achievement, in my mind, is the impact I have made on others. There is no denying it, as much as I would like to, that my weight loss has been a motivating for other people. My husband directly credits me for his 80 pound weight loss, my mom and mother-in-law have both said that my support has helped them. My friends, strangers, and acquaintances have all asked me "what did you do?" When I tell them, I tell them they can do it too. I helped train people for a marathon, for Pete's sake! The truth of the matter is that these people have all made their own changes and are responsible for their own success, my achievement is that I supported them in their goals. Of that, I am very, very proud.
As a new weight loss year begins, it is entirely possible that it will take a year for me to lose this next seven pounds. One of things I have gained this past year is the knowledge that good health and well being is a life long pursuit. If it takes me a year, fine, because it will take the rest of my life to keep it off.
I am looking forward to the challenge.
Okay...the numbers:
Starting Weight December 2008: 236
Starting Weight MWL March 2010: 224
Current Weight: 147
Goal Weight 140
Outward Goal: To wear a bikini this summer
Inner Goal: To find the strength to be a strength to others....and of course, WORLD PEACE!
Hugs to you all! See you soon!
Lately, I have also been struggling with getting exercise and with eating too much. It's as if part of me is just unwilling to let these last few pounds go, what goes with it if they are gone? I am grappling with figuring out a new identity as a "thin" person (though I am not very thin, truth be told--just average). My entire life from the age of ten has been dictated by my weight. My weight has never been good enough. I have striven to excel to overcome the disadvantages my excess weight caused (believe me--it sucks to be fat in our society!).
On the flip side of these worried musings are the achievements I have made. Now exercise is fun for me; I want to do it. This morning, I threw on a pair of size 8 jeans without having to suck in my belly. I made a delicious egg white and veggie omelet with cheese and toast for breakfast; knowing that it was a breakfast that would fuel my body and brain. Most importantly--okay don't laugh--I BENT OVER AND PICKED SOMETHING OFF THE FLOOR WITHOUT PAIN OR SHORTNESS OF BREATH!
However, my most important achievement, in my mind, is the impact I have made on others. There is no denying it, as much as I would like to, that my weight loss has been a motivating for other people. My husband directly credits me for his 80 pound weight loss, my mom and mother-in-law have both said that my support has helped them. My friends, strangers, and acquaintances have all asked me "what did you do?" When I tell them, I tell them they can do it too. I helped train people for a marathon, for Pete's sake! The truth of the matter is that these people have all made their own changes and are responsible for their own success, my achievement is that I supported them in their goals. Of that, I am very, very proud.
As a new weight loss year begins, it is entirely possible that it will take a year for me to lose this next seven pounds. One of things I have gained this past year is the knowledge that good health and well being is a life long pursuit. If it takes me a year, fine, because it will take the rest of my life to keep it off.
I am looking forward to the challenge.
Okay...the numbers:
Starting Weight December 2008: 236
Starting Weight MWL March 2010: 224
Current Weight: 147
Goal Weight 140
Outward Goal: To wear a bikini this summer
Inner Goal: To find the strength to be a strength to others....and of course, WORLD PEACE!
Hugs to you all! See you soon!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Struggle...Struggle...Fret...Fret...
What was the single most important thing I learned while on Optifast? Nutrition? Nope! Self discipline. Yet, as my one year anniversary with the Kaiser Medical Weight Loss program looms, I find my self discipline waning and temptations to be more and more tempting.
Especially recently.
Perhaps it is my heart, perhaps it is the weather, but I have been binging on sugar like it is no one's business! Last Friday it was soooo bad, that I put myself in the Emergency Room! (My body is hyper-sensitive with the pacemaker; so the sugar literally made me sick!)
After last's nights debacle with the Girl Scout cookies (5 Thin Mints, 3 Somoas, and 4 Lemon Chalet Creams), I spent some time this morning thinking about why. Why am I doing this to myself? Then, I flashed on last night's Biggest Loser, when Hannah weighed in at 201. She was about to break a barrier that had eluded her for a long time. She didn't look happy; she looked scared. I thought to myself, "This binge started when I got within 3 pounds of my goal weight!" I realized I was scared of making my goal, of what it would mean.
I realized it would mean I was done with this enormous endeavor that has given me so much positive self esteem, amazing friends, and a whole new outlook!
I realized it would mean I was no longer special. (That amazing Trav who lost all the weight!)
I realized that it would mean I would have to accept the fact that my exercise has to continue, even though I do not get the extrinsic reward of the scale going down.
I realized that it would mean success--something I have a hard time accepting. I don't like thinking of myself as successful, because I secretly think that I am never good enough for anything.
The great thing about Optifast is that you learn tools to help you get through these times. I mean, if you can eat not so delicious food for four months, you can do almost anything, right?
So, I applied the tools I learned while on product to these past couple of days to help me not go down a very dangerous path. The first thing that I have been doing to help mitigate and manage my binges (so, I do not land in the hospital again and address them head on) is to give myself a time limit. I will not eat anything past X time. I also write EVERYTHING down, so at least I can keep myself accountable. These techniques don't stop me from eating sugary snacks, but at least I am owning what is going in my mouth instead of ignoring it.
Today, I am reimplementing my personal eating rules: no snacks other than the ones I pack. No sugar Monday-Thursday. What I love about life is that everyday is a new day to treat yourself right! I will let you know if returning to stricter eating patterns helps me to avoid the binges!
I would love to be at my goal weight by March 7th--my anniversary with MWL. Let me know how you prevent or manage eating bad, bad stuff!
Okay...here are the numbers!
Starting weight: 234
Current weight: 147
Goal weight: 140
The goals:
Inner goal: staying in touch with the moment!
Outer goal: crossing the finish line at a half marathon!
Talk to you guys soon!
Especially recently.
Perhaps it is my heart, perhaps it is the weather, but I have been binging on sugar like it is no one's business! Last Friday it was soooo bad, that I put myself in the Emergency Room! (My body is hyper-sensitive with the pacemaker; so the sugar literally made me sick!)
After last's nights debacle with the Girl Scout cookies (5 Thin Mints, 3 Somoas, and 4 Lemon Chalet Creams), I spent some time this morning thinking about why. Why am I doing this to myself? Then, I flashed on last night's Biggest Loser, when Hannah weighed in at 201. She was about to break a barrier that had eluded her for a long time. She didn't look happy; she looked scared. I thought to myself, "This binge started when I got within 3 pounds of my goal weight!" I realized I was scared of making my goal, of what it would mean.
I realized it would mean I was done with this enormous endeavor that has given me so much positive self esteem, amazing friends, and a whole new outlook!
I realized it would mean I was no longer special. (That amazing Trav who lost all the weight!)
I realized that it would mean I would have to accept the fact that my exercise has to continue, even though I do not get the extrinsic reward of the scale going down.
I realized that it would mean success--something I have a hard time accepting. I don't like thinking of myself as successful, because I secretly think that I am never good enough for anything.
The great thing about Optifast is that you learn tools to help you get through these times. I mean, if you can eat not so delicious food for four months, you can do almost anything, right?
So, I applied the tools I learned while on product to these past couple of days to help me not go down a very dangerous path. The first thing that I have been doing to help mitigate and manage my binges (so, I do not land in the hospital again and address them head on) is to give myself a time limit. I will not eat anything past X time. I also write EVERYTHING down, so at least I can keep myself accountable. These techniques don't stop me from eating sugary snacks, but at least I am owning what is going in my mouth instead of ignoring it.
Today, I am reimplementing my personal eating rules: no snacks other than the ones I pack. No sugar Monday-Thursday. What I love about life is that everyday is a new day to treat yourself right! I will let you know if returning to stricter eating patterns helps me to avoid the binges!
I would love to be at my goal weight by March 7th--my anniversary with MWL. Let me know how you prevent or manage eating bad, bad stuff!
Okay...here are the numbers!
Starting weight: 234
Current weight: 147
Goal weight: 140
The goals:
Inner goal: staying in touch with the moment!
Outer goal: crossing the finish line at a half marathon!
Talk to you guys soon!
Monday, February 7, 2011
The last ten pounds...
So, I finally weighed in at Kaiser for the first time since Christmas. Why? You may ask, did it take so, so, so very long! The answer: mysterious health problems!
So, ever since December 24th, the day of my big Christmas Eve bash (where I cooked amazingly delicious food! I will link the recipes on my recipe page!), I have been feeling run down and bad. In fact, I collapsed at school. I was so excited, the new me--healthy, fit, training for marathons for Pete's sake, was no longer a victim to her own bad habits. It turns out that Mother Nature had a different idea!
So, apparently, my heart started slowing down. After I lost all my weight, my resting heart rate was between 42-48 BPM, slow yes, but I was doing a lot of cardio! Then, at my hernia surgery in October, it was 36 BPM. Kaiser was worried, but since I was doing OK, they said they would keep an eye on things. By January, my BPM was 31 and dropping like a stone. By January 26, I could barely walk my usual 5K with my walking buddies! I almost passed out at the end! Finally, on January 28, during my Electrocardiogram, the technician suggested I go to the ER. My BPM had dropped to 27. That night, they put in my pacemaker.
The irony is that my excess weight was artificially raising my BPM and my blood pressure. So, I wouldn't have a pacemaker if I were still 235. However, I did avoid other health issues, and since this condition is genetic, I may have had to deal with it eventually while in poor health and at higher risk during surgery.
So, here is the kicker...I hadn't really lost any weight since my hernia surgery. Yes, I would fluctuate up and down, but these last ten pounds seem to be crawling off. Even my husband was perplexed; he couldn't figure out why someone who eats healthfully, low-cal, and exercises would suddenly gain five pounds for no discernible reason. Then I would lose 5.25 pounds the following week. It was the most frustrating three months of my life. It's one thing to loose .5 pounds in a month, it's another thing to wake up and be three pounds heavier than the day before, even though your habits have not changed! Yes, the net was a loss, but the dramatic fluctuations were taking a toll on me psychologically.
I sank into a deep depression. At one point, I just threw up my hands and starting eating whatever I wanted. It didn't seem to make that much of a difference, in all honesty! I still tracked everything; I just wasn't as strict. All that happened was that I gained four pounds. At one point, my family and friends started to really notice how down and low energy I was. I felt like no amount of sleep would help, and I dropped two of my exercise days out of my schedule. I was just too exhausted to wake up and go work out. So, of course, the lower exercise meant that my weight loss stopped.
During my last post, you can see that I really was trying to get back on track, but I seemed cursed by mysterious health problems. My sciatic nerve was acting up, I had shortness of breath, you name it! All those issues led me to the operating room and my new, mechanical heart.
So, what happened? Since my pacemaker was put in, I have lost three pounds! I lost five pounds the first week, but I was pretty dehydrated, so a lot was water. My husband thinks that my low heart rate was suppressing my metabolic rate, and my body was undergoing so much stress, it was reluctant to shed any pounds. Indeed, I have walked twice since my surgery, and have felt tired but good (not like I am going to pass out!). My goal is to get my walking mileage up, then start running again in March--after my doctor clears me of course!
I think, sometimes, those of us who lose weight think that it will solve many (if not all) of our problems. Secretly, I thought that once I lost weight, I would never have to worry about my health again. I felt invincible and in control. As we all know, when you feel like nothing can touch you, that's when life shows you otherwise. The best thing I learned from this whole experience is that it is important to stick to your goals, even when things are not going well. I leaned on my husband for support, trying stay on track. When I fell off, I took the next day seriously--really being honest with myself and my feelings. It was hard, hard, hard. However, I really don't want to be overweight again.
These last ten pounds...they will come off, but my life will still be there. I will still be here, and after last week, I am very, very grateful for that!
Okay...here are the goals:
Inner goal: personal honesty
Outer goal: Catherine Deneuve in Cat People!
The numbers:
Starting weight: 234
Current weight: 146.5
Goal weight: 140
See you guys soon!
So, ever since December 24th, the day of my big Christmas Eve bash (where I cooked amazingly delicious food! I will link the recipes on my recipe page!), I have been feeling run down and bad. In fact, I collapsed at school. I was so excited, the new me--healthy, fit, training for marathons for Pete's sake, was no longer a victim to her own bad habits. It turns out that Mother Nature had a different idea!
So, apparently, my heart started slowing down. After I lost all my weight, my resting heart rate was between 42-48 BPM, slow yes, but I was doing a lot of cardio! Then, at my hernia surgery in October, it was 36 BPM. Kaiser was worried, but since I was doing OK, they said they would keep an eye on things. By January, my BPM was 31 and dropping like a stone. By January 26, I could barely walk my usual 5K with my walking buddies! I almost passed out at the end! Finally, on January 28, during my Electrocardiogram, the technician suggested I go to the ER. My BPM had dropped to 27. That night, they put in my pacemaker.
The irony is that my excess weight was artificially raising my BPM and my blood pressure. So, I wouldn't have a pacemaker if I were still 235. However, I did avoid other health issues, and since this condition is genetic, I may have had to deal with it eventually while in poor health and at higher risk during surgery.
So, here is the kicker...I hadn't really lost any weight since my hernia surgery. Yes, I would fluctuate up and down, but these last ten pounds seem to be crawling off. Even my husband was perplexed; he couldn't figure out why someone who eats healthfully, low-cal, and exercises would suddenly gain five pounds for no discernible reason. Then I would lose 5.25 pounds the following week. It was the most frustrating three months of my life. It's one thing to loose .5 pounds in a month, it's another thing to wake up and be three pounds heavier than the day before, even though your habits have not changed! Yes, the net was a loss, but the dramatic fluctuations were taking a toll on me psychologically.
I sank into a deep depression. At one point, I just threw up my hands and starting eating whatever I wanted. It didn't seem to make that much of a difference, in all honesty! I still tracked everything; I just wasn't as strict. All that happened was that I gained four pounds. At one point, my family and friends started to really notice how down and low energy I was. I felt like no amount of sleep would help, and I dropped two of my exercise days out of my schedule. I was just too exhausted to wake up and go work out. So, of course, the lower exercise meant that my weight loss stopped.
During my last post, you can see that I really was trying to get back on track, but I seemed cursed by mysterious health problems. My sciatic nerve was acting up, I had shortness of breath, you name it! All those issues led me to the operating room and my new, mechanical heart.
So, what happened? Since my pacemaker was put in, I have lost three pounds! I lost five pounds the first week, but I was pretty dehydrated, so a lot was water. My husband thinks that my low heart rate was suppressing my metabolic rate, and my body was undergoing so much stress, it was reluctant to shed any pounds. Indeed, I have walked twice since my surgery, and have felt tired but good (not like I am going to pass out!). My goal is to get my walking mileage up, then start running again in March--after my doctor clears me of course!
I think, sometimes, those of us who lose weight think that it will solve many (if not all) of our problems. Secretly, I thought that once I lost weight, I would never have to worry about my health again. I felt invincible and in control. As we all know, when you feel like nothing can touch you, that's when life shows you otherwise. The best thing I learned from this whole experience is that it is important to stick to your goals, even when things are not going well. I leaned on my husband for support, trying stay on track. When I fell off, I took the next day seriously--really being honest with myself and my feelings. It was hard, hard, hard. However, I really don't want to be overweight again.
These last ten pounds...they will come off, but my life will still be there. I will still be here, and after last week, I am very, very grateful for that!
Okay...here are the goals:
Inner goal: personal honesty
Outer goal: Catherine Deneuve in Cat People!
The numbers:
Starting weight: 234
Current weight: 146.5
Goal weight: 140
See you guys soon!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Post Christmas Update--Sugar Shame Spiral!
Well...the Holidays are finally over! I don't know about you, but it was certainly difficult passing up all the goodies. I did well most of December, but gave in to temptation over vacation! As a result, my weight wildly fluctuated the last two weeks, culminating in this morning's tragic weigh in!
Things about sugar that I did not know before vacation and now I do:
1. The insulin spike that sugar causes also causes you to retain sodium and, therefore, water.
2. Sugar is a self perpetuating snack--meaning that it tricks your body into thinking you need to eat more sugar after you have something sweet--even if it is a non-sugar sweetener.
3. Insulin spikes cause glycerol to chemical bond to lipids, then transports those lipids to your fat cells (triglycerides, they're called). Triglycerides are difficult to breakdown and transport out of a fat cell. So, lots of sugar means lots and lots of extra poundage!
Things that help mitigate insulin spikes:
1. Not eating processed sugars or grains.
2. Eating sugar with fiber (i.e. whole fruits or grains)
3. Eating sugar with protein (eat some turkey with that cookie!)
How to recover from a Sugar Shame Spiral:
1. Write everything down in your journal, so you know what you are eating and what your triggers are.
2. Drink LOTS OF WATER and herbal tea (I enjoy Smooth Move, since it helps the GI tract. Peppermint is good too!).
3. Eat leafy green veggies and protein --avoid sugary foods--even fruit and lactose--for a day or two. Let your body manage the excess sugar you've put into it.
4. Don't give into negative feelings. It's just food, not a moral crisis. Eat well and love yourself!
The Goals:
Inner Goal: Go into Shame Recovery...and WORLD PEACE!
Outer Goal: Still shooting for Heidi Klum...a girl can dream!
The Numbers:
Starting Weight: 224
Current Weight: 150
Goal Weight: 140
Things about sugar that I did not know before vacation and now I do:
1. The insulin spike that sugar causes also causes you to retain sodium and, therefore, water.
2. Sugar is a self perpetuating snack--meaning that it tricks your body into thinking you need to eat more sugar after you have something sweet--even if it is a non-sugar sweetener.
3. Insulin spikes cause glycerol to chemical bond to lipids, then transports those lipids to your fat cells (triglycerides, they're called). Triglycerides are difficult to breakdown and transport out of a fat cell. So, lots of sugar means lots and lots of extra poundage!
Things that help mitigate insulin spikes:
1. Not eating processed sugars or grains.
2. Eating sugar with fiber (i.e. whole fruits or grains)
3. Eating sugar with protein (eat some turkey with that cookie!)
How to recover from a Sugar Shame Spiral:
1. Write everything down in your journal, so you know what you are eating and what your triggers are.
2. Drink LOTS OF WATER and herbal tea (I enjoy Smooth Move, since it helps the GI tract. Peppermint is good too!).
3. Eat leafy green veggies and protein --avoid sugary foods--even fruit and lactose--for a day or two. Let your body manage the excess sugar you've put into it.
4. Don't give into negative feelings. It's just food, not a moral crisis. Eat well and love yourself!
The Goals:
Inner Goal: Go into Shame Recovery...and WORLD PEACE!
Outer Goal: Still shooting for Heidi Klum...a girl can dream!
The Numbers:
Starting Weight: 224
Current Weight: 150
Goal Weight: 140
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